Do Cool Sh*t

Or (in my case) traverse down the “I-used-to-do-cool-sh*t-once-upon-a-time” river, and try to re-map a route that will lead you back there.

Note: I like to read; a lot. In fact, very rarely will I leave the house without a book (or kindle, or audiobook) in hand. In an effort to better absorb my takeaways, I’m going to try to hash out my thoughts here, in a haphazard series. I say try, because quite often I will fail to meet my own inner expectations (let alone outer ones), and some times a read will not necessarily require excessive marination or have major takeaways worth sharing.

Once upon a time, many, many, many moons ago (1,979 actually) I picked up a book by Miki Agrawal under the recommendation of one Tracey Regimbal. I wouldn’t call it a page-turner, or life-changer, but the few months following that were some of the most serendipitous, aligned and productive I’ve experience in awhile. Whether it was the book, or cosmic timing, I did a lot of cool shit.

For the purpose of this reflection, the ‘cool shit’ I refer to pertains to creative and professional pursuits that make my eyes sparkle with delight when I start talking. It refers to the sort of ‘work’ that is done with a bit of heart and soul, and within that state of consciousness that Mihaly Csikszentmihaly has labelled as ‘flow’- timeless and seemingly effortless. It is rewarding, it is honest, and it feels right.

And for awhile, I did a lot of it. I got paid to do things I would’ve done for free, like bake inordinate amounts of cupcakes, and traveling the world, meeting similarly ‘cool-sh*t-doing’ people and documenting my adventures. Money aside, I spent my time in creative pursuit, following my hearts content towards little passion projects of little value to anyone but me.

Until one day, when one dream died and I sort of neglected to formulate another. I stopped doing cool shit, I didn’t take the time to check in and decide what that meant to me, and I started chasing paychecks instead. I told myself: ‘I don’t have to do cool shit, I could just do something- anything- get paid for it, and use those meager earnings to finance my next good time. Maybe ‘having a good time’ could be my new ‘cool sh*t’?’
Spoiler Alert: It wasn’t. Not really.
Note: Not everyone places an equal importance in living for what they do; most people will find meaning and purpose in their lives that has nothing to do with what they do for a paycheck. They’re perfectly happy with what they do, even if it’s not a dream or passion project. This might work for them, and no hate intended, but it doesn’t work for me.

And so 1,979 days later I decided to re-read a book, and see where it would take me.

For those curious, the book follows the early entrepreneurial life of Miki Agrawal. Half memoir, half business ‘how-to’, she takes us through the beginnings of her first business venture (a farm-to-table Pizza place)- the good, the bad, and the introspective questions she asked herself to get there.
She has since started a few other businesses (including the period-proof panties THINX, and a bidet business HelloTushy).

I’m not particularly interested in starting a business at this stage of my life, but the activities, exercises and questions she asked at the end of each chapter were of most interest to me- The ‘Cool Shit’ Challenges. The sort of easy-but-like-not-so-easy questions we could (and should) ask ourselves on the regular to get clear on what we want to achieve, why we’re not achieving it, and where we are heading; in essence, a thorough examination of wtf you’re doing. In order to be where I want to be, I sort of need to identify what I want to do and map out a plan to get there (or go back there).

In her words:

The only way I could have ever gotten here was by acknowledging that I wasn’t doing everything that I wanted to and by articulating what I wanted to be doing, so I made a decision to act on making what I wanted to be doing a reality.

What am I good at?

Or in other words, what can I do (at a decent enough level to be qualified as ‘good’) and get paid for?
And not sound like an arrogant and pompous dipshit when talking about it.

1. Making Magic (or what professionals would call project management). Like a magician- I can make something appear out of nothing in an effortless way- or so it seems. I’m an initiative taker and I am able to execute upon and after that initial step, I’m a pro at scheduling, I am highly detail oriented, I think out of the box, I am quick to adapt, I am sensitive and considerate towards other peoples time and work and I am as inclusive as I can be, I am naturally inclined towards planning and I am really organized, which makes for a great project manager. I am also very extra, I will go above and beyond and work hard to build a great experience out of it. Often times this has manifested into event planning, or production work.
2. Telling Stories (or what professionals would call communications). Everyone and everything has a story, and I often find that I’m quick to understand the message and reiterate that to various audiences based on the mood. I’m a highly sensitive person with a lot of empathy, I pick up on patterns quickly and intuitively, I have a strong range of story-telling and content creation tools that I’ve used and mastered to some extent (including photo, video, graphic-design, presentation, long-form, and short-form writing), and I’m good at reading people, their psychology, and at assessing and changing the tone, mood, and message if need be to articulate my message. Most times, I will do all of this with an element of authenticity and genuineness- I try to share the stories that resonate with me the most. I’ve been called a professional hype-girl (much to my chagrin), and my story-telling has often manifested into digital and social media marketing.
3. Cross-Pollinating (or what professionals would call innovation and entrepreneurial thinking). I reframe the problems and projects I am working on, and try to see them from an outside perspective. I am very adept at research and investigation, and I take what works in other industries and disciplines, and creatively apply them to the unique problem or project I am working on. I am not afraid of trying new things, building new solutions, and going on a new path, if it’ll build something better.
4. Playing with Others (or what professionals would call team work). I’m a people person, and I believe we can all accomplish more if we work together. I am personable, mostly collaborative (I may or may not have control issues sometime), I think the best ideas are those that are bounced a few times until it becomes a contributive effort, and I believe in the magnetic power of putting like-minded people and design thinking methodology in the same room. If I could, I’d work within a group of 2–3 as long as I could.

What am I excited about

I hate the word ‘passion’, and will refrain from using the phrase ‘come alive’, but do I care about enough to make my eyes go all sparkly and wide?
And do I still care about anything the way I used to, or am I cold and numb inside now?

This was a lot easier before when I had one shiny, golden, beacon that acted as my internal and external lighthouse- making the world a better place. Yes, I know it’s fucking cheesy leave me alone. As a student of international development, I waltzed into the academic and professional world guided by my intentions to learn, and apply what I learned in the non-profit or international aid sector. I’d work with the impoverished, the marginalized, and the overlooked, and find a way to build programmes to increase their standard of living and access to basic services; if I couldn’t build the programmes, I would tell the story of those that did and help raise awareness or funds or whatever was needed.

But now- 10 years or so later- does that still hold true? If it doesn’t, what will or does or can or might?

1. Well yes, it does hold true. Whether innate or conditioned in me (by me, no less), I am still very excited about the field, and would love to find a way back into it. This version of excitement is a slightly less doe-eyed and optimistic version of what I once felt, but it’s there- muted, and more critical. I’ve learned that it’s a very disillusioning field, but I’m still excited. I find myself drawn (again and again) into issues that intersect with gender rights, female empowerment, and education. But, it’s no longer (necessarily) my lighthouse.
2. Community building, IRL, using offline experiences. There is a real magnetism around the collection of like-minded people, who share the same levels of enthusiasm, excitement, and good vibes; and I want to bring more of this space to life. I love bringing people together, manufacturing that serendipity, and shaping the experience of it.
3. Telling and sharing really good stories. Maybe it’s because I think I’m good at it, but I get a real thrill out of creating and sharing ‘content’. I’ve studied photography and graphic design, worked on a film crew, and I’m learning to love to write; these are all really great tools, and it is so exciting to bring them all together and tell the story of something that excites me too.
4. Travel. If you know the bare minimum about me, this fact is pretty much a given. So I won’t go into details.
5. I’m excited about bettering myself, and working on myself. It’s a mammoth of a task, and I don’t think I’ll ever monetize on it, but it’s something that I continue to do and find pleasure in working on.
6. Food. I fucking love food. I spend hours on pinterest finding experiments that will tickle my fancy; I happily walk through the aisles of the grocery store- it makes me a bit giddy- deciding what to make, how I’ll make it, when I’ll make it; I can dedicate entire days and nights to the perfect menu; I will make something just for the sake of proving to myself that I can, and I will later perfect it for the same reason (before moving onto another challenge). Again, not something I plan on monetizing any time soon, but man it makes me happy.

What situations no longer serve or elevate me?

What no longer jives with me? Now that I’ve done it, or tried it, what do I know not to do again?

For starts, I don’t think I can with good consciousness work with ‘brands’ or ‘branded goods’. It’s taken me a long time to realize that I’m very uncomfortable with the idea of pushing for a product or a brand, and marketing or selling whatever it is they’re trying to offer. So often- almost always- it gets narrowed down to a “go buy this now” line, and I don’t want to do that anymore; the profit never is and never will be my bottom line, especially not corporate profit. I’m not a sales girl; I’m happy to market ideas, and share the stories of people and places with some sort of intention of convincing them to change their mind, or do something. But I’m not a sales girl, I don’t want to use my skills to push that message across (no matter how subtly), and I don’t want you to buy anything.

As much as I love creating content (or stories), I am becoming more and more uncomfortable with the overuse (for lack of better word) of these tools online, and how this new form of ‘micro-content’ has filtered out into our digital consciousness. The increased monetization of social media and digital marketing content makes it a lot harder to share stories and grow a real community organically; eyeballs have a price-tag on them now, and that removes so much of the promise of what these platforms initially espoused. And as someone who has specialized in this field for quite awhile, I’m just not down to be a part of that machine anymore. I’m happy to continue creating but maybe to an offline community.

What do YOU want do?

I still don’t know. After all my messy rambling above, I still don’t.

Something I’m good at + Something I’m excited about + Something that is in alignment with my values = Cool Sh*t.

All the above + a paycheck = What I want to do.

Based on the above, it could be:

1. Project management or story-telling for non-profits.
2. Building and managing a community space.
3. Managing some sort of conference or retreat, bringing together like-minded people (whose values I share) together on a large scale.
4. Documentary production with a focus on social impact.
5. Being a professional stay-at-home cat mom.

Why are you holding yourself back?

I’ve been told (very often) that I’m asking for or looking for too much. That I should suck it up, and do something I’m good at and get paid for it. And I can take whatever I earn, and invest in hobbies and creative pursuits on the side. It’s an expensive world (and a really expensive city), and I can’t necessarily afford to be picky when I have bills to pay; I can settle for good enough. And I’m scared they’re all right, and this sense of entitlement to purpose that I feel is unrealistic. I know (logically) that this works for a lot of people, I see (realistically) that so many people are able to carve out their own paths and follow their bliss, and I think (intuitively) that I need to do find my own convergence too. But what if I’m wrong, and what if I don’t have what it takes?

And I know that it’ll take a lot, and I’m worried that it’ll take a lot of me with it. Building dreams takes time and hard work, and that is time I have dedicated elsewhere in recent years, when dreams lost their relevance to me. I’ve built a social and personal life that I like quite a lot, and how much of that will I have to give up to level up professionally. Is it even worth what I will potentially have to sacrifice?

Even if it’s not a choice- and I can have it all- what if I don’t want what I have now, down the road? By becoming more aligned, I risk voluntarily alienating myself from people and situations I’ve come to love. Even if I choose to let go, and decide I want something different, I don’t know if I’m ready to fully embrace that uncertain possibility that what is out there will beat this. I want to trust the Universe- and I do- but I also want a solid return policy.

I also know that I’m worrying things into existence, by imagining the worst case scenario.

What now?

I’m going to have to clearer articulate what it is I wan to do, and then decide if I want to act on making what I want to be doing a reality for me, honestly assessing if I’m really ready and willing to make that commitment.

If it’s a ‘fuck yes’, then I’m just going to have to do it and start hustling; and if it’s not, then I’m going to have to suck it up and settle (without complaining), or search for the ever elusive ‘fuck yes’.

So, what will it be Amina?